Grudges- Are They Really Worth Holding?

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Grudges Updivine
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Scene 1

It is a bright day; people all around. Some happy faces, some not so. Just to my right passed a kid, fighting with his mom, for his mother wasn’t buying him chocolates. An elderly couple, here to see the doctor. I see a middle-aged couple fighting for groceries to be bought. Outside the café, a gang of young guys celebrating; maybe they have won some game. There are hundreds of others around. They are not even aware; their lives would finally find purpose.

Me? I know; I have this clock ticking in my jacket, but not a sensation in my stomach. There is not a single bit inside me that is scared of what is going to happen in a few moments from now. There is going to be a blast, I would be burnt to ashes. There might be a pain, burning, and all the sufferings. But no not a bit of me is scared.








I was burning like hell, but waiting to live every moment so that I could admire each and every of my co-traveler on my last journey. Every single particle of me, all the atoms that constitute my body, even the quarks, and the leptons, wanted to thank each and everyone around.

It was hardly 10 seconds before, what could be the best that could have happened to me, (I mean, I was supposed to live and be forever and ever with my god after this); but every second, every jiffy, every Planck time that passed, I had lived in gratitude. Gratitude towards each and everyone because of whom, not only my life but also my death had found a purpose. A ‘purpose’ that is a step towards bringing mass welfare, the freedom, from oppression, from pain, from a lot of sufferings to my people. And for the others causing the same; maybe their sins would be reduced. So I closed my eyes.


Scene 2

As I opened my eyes again, I was right there, where I knew I was supposed to be. With my god, there was a cool and fragrant, light wind around. On the other side were people who had shared my fate, and came along. They were all beautiful.

God came to me first.

With his splendiferous deep voice, he said, “You don’t seem to be tired, my child?”

How could I be, I had come to him. And even if there was some hangover of the physical injuries I had faced in the journey, till the time I was alive; his aroma, his smile and the voice had acted as a therapy for it.

“No my lord,” I said while controlling my excitement. “So, are we all going to be living with you forever now?” I asked.

The people there looked surprised, as there was a slight murmuring around. After all, I understand, a person responsible for killing them was asking that. But I knew, they would understand as they would know me.

“No, my child! I am afraid, but you are not coming along with me”.

That fell on my heart like a meteor. It was as if a student had prepared for his math’s examination, all through the year; and what comes in her hand into the examination hall is a history question paper.

“My lord please, what can I do to be not in this position. Just take me along with you, no matter where, but I want to be with you.” I pleaded.

Ritika Nahata
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I could see, he was not pleased by my heartbreak either.

“You know, you have killed so many people. You know the crimes that you have committed. You know you were a ‘terrorist‘.”

I knew even if when I would be gone most of the people alive would still call me by this name, but I thought they would be ignorant. I did not expect that God would call me so. I had earlier lived my death, but I now wanted to die. But where have I reached? Even death wasn’t an escape here.

“Wouldn’t it be unfair to those who faced untimely deaths because of you, if I let you be with me? They had families, children, parents; and you have left them all for sufferings. None of them wanted to die, at least not like this.”

I just did not know what to do. Could I say anything that would make my lord take me with him? I know manipulations don’t work here (though it doesn’t work anywhere, especially not here). The only thing I could do was speak my heart out, and leave everything for fate. I was a fighter after all.

“God, you know, I never thought of them to be different from me or my family. I always thought those who would be dying with me, would receive the same fate as I would. I wanted to be with you and I thought, this blast, which was supposed to be for the welfare of people would take me (along with these people), to you. Till the time I died, I was happy that I was dying with my family. And across all the religions, down there on earth, there is at least one legend where they say even you fought wars, probably to save the humanity. My intentions were no different. So, I did not ever think, that this was a sin. But if you say it was, I must have been the biggest idiot, who did not understand that. If you say so, I do deserve to be punished.”

I took a pause. I did not know what to say. But to be departed from my God forever would be a huge punishment. Infinite times more than any capital punishment on the earth.

“But God, as you say they did not even want to come and be here. And I, in no way want to cross-question you; you know that, for you know everything. But wouldn’t be unfair to me, if after doing everything I did, to get you, I don’t end up with you?”

God smiled.
He said, “No my child, being ‘an idiot’ is not that big a crime”.

Ritika Nahata
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Into the Heaven

And he let me in. Into the door, that would take me to the place, where I would be with him forever.


As I woke up, thankfully I wasn’t a ‘terrorist’. I was a normal commoner.  But what still doesn’t get off my mind is that: if even my God could forgive a sinister as big as ‘a terrorist’, do we as normal human beings deserve to hold and carry the burden of grudges against them? Or we could also just forgive them???


To read more articles by Ritika Nahata, click here.

Grudges Updivine
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Ritika Baid

About the Author: Ritika Baid

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul"


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