Today, I’m in the campus again. And, I’m very busy again and again as usual. Unfortunately, it is my first semester as a freshman and my wrong preference to choose the rightest department will vex me furthermore. Indeed, before, my intention has been Computer Engineering, however, thus, I have chosen Journalism instead and still I don’t know why.
Anyway… I have eight lessons today totally and each one is about an hour, so that, I will have been busy nearly eight hours from morning till early night time. The time was progressing very slowly and it is very vexing! I have been getting very exhausted to fatigue – so that, my eyes were paining with my headache terribly well then. And, hence, it was better for me to have a break very frequently – that, I was going out for fresh air with excuse for my fake toilet needs; fortunately, my lecturer could not still be aware of them yet in spite of their suspense.
By the way, today, I am not on my mood because it is cloudy and there is no sunlight and am feeling very sleepy, drowsy and depressive at the same time. In fact, my intention to leave the campus; however, I can’t; therefore, I have been already absent for many days and am fearing of, if I fail because of NA statue for later so much. Otherwise, I can’t give reckon to my father who have paid my school in spite of his low income. And although, I’m not reckoning to tolerate against my mother’s intolerable murmurings on my head that to die is easier, believe me!
“Hey boy! Did you finish your lectures?” my father asked on the telephone who will come here to take me to my home.
“Yes dad. I’m on the parking slot hinder.”
“Okay, don’t get lost anywhere. I am on the road.”
“That’s all right.”
Because I can’t drive car in spite of, I am twenty-one years old as a lazy and timid youngster, my father should take me from here to take to my home. That is very shameful for me indeed, but, because I had a small car accident previously, can’t drive car. In short, I am a fucking coward; nothing else matters…
While I was still waiting…
Yes, while waiting, because, my home is quite far from here, my father would reach here about an hour later by the way – I was fed up and was strolling in the slot from here to there so idly and dully. I was bored enough to sit all day on the fucking wooden desk and my ass was aching terribly so that might have hemorrhoid soon as well.
While still strolling, for a sudden, I was eye to eye with a young blond-haired woman unexpectedly – she was just opposite of me about two meters away from me at the across of the slot. We are not acquainted against each other nor we haven’t seen each other before. I don’t know who she is and she does not know who I am too. Moreover, she is not attractive even though not a nice woman at all.
However, she is looking at my eyes directly and like daring to react against my looks face-threateningly indeed – at least, as I assumed so and not sure enough, if I am wrong or right. So that, I was looking at her eyes with the same face expression against her – we would stare each other so for a long while…
If wonder, was she disturbed with my looking against her? Ha? Who knows? But, if she was, I am not good with it terribly. However, since she was disturbed, why did not she avoid looking at me? I was looking at her to say in fact “Hey woman! What’s the fucking problem with you? Ha? What? What’s there? Why are you looking at me? Hey, I don’t think you like my eyes, ha? What’s the problem then? Okay, you know; look at me, yes, look, look; and let me know how long you will endure to dare to stare with me so…
She? What about her? What was she thinking or imagining about me, if wonder? Maybe, she is fucking thinking that I am a fucking psycho! Ha? Possible? Who knows then? No, no, I’m not a psycho, no!
The eyes were blurring my mind unwanted and I am quite ill about them in fact. Will I see her to apologize at least to compensate? No, let her to apologizes for me too. I don’t think, if I see her again nor she will not see me any more; might be, who knows? But, why did she stare at me? Even though, in fact, why did I stare at her? Why did I do such idiotic thing?
I remember her facial expression but do not remember mine one by the way. She was smiling, as if it had been face-threatening or ironically or might she like me, if wonder? Idiotic things come into my mind straightforwardly. If wonder, was she disturbed or something else happened differently than?
On the other hand, I will not mention to anyone else for this issue, in any case, what will happen? Nothing… Who will care? Nobody… Except me, but I am not sure enough, if she will, of course.
However, while the planet Earth is small, the university as a much smaller in fact. So, as you will guess, me and her met again but this time at somewhere else – in the Grand Library – even in the mid entrance door.
And, we are eye to eye again as face to face. The same looking… And the same distance…
“Miss?” I exclaimed very slightly to her embarrassingly but she could not hear me but read my lips. I am not sure, if she understood me.
After a long wait, I approached her with silent footsteps very slowly to apologize her as soon as possible. The same questions are coming into my mind. But, since she let me to look her anyhow, she must be still grant to me. Mustn’t she? She must; therefore, she was also staring at me same.
“Honey, give me your lips,” she said.
“Babe, I missed you so much,”
“Me too,”
Then, we walked to the second hall by hand to hand to read some books together…
After that, we walked to the Central Cafeteria. It was empty and dull. I don’t remember her name. Who is she by the way? She does not know me either.
“Dear, I apologize again from you!” I said very politely.
“What was your intention, man? Why did you stare me so voraciously?” she then asked me annoyingly that time.
And, I was embarrassed and disappointed and also blushed very terribly.
“Err, I don’t know exactly. But you are right to annoy me, dear. Okay, but, what was your aim to stare at me? You are not so innocent than me by the way.” I said.
“You, at first, stared at me and I stared at you, dear gentleman.”
That time, the tension was escalating between each other, and, I don’t know what I do and worrying about what if she complains to the police for my bad boyhood? So, I decided to remain silent rather.
“I apologize again that was very unwanted and shame for me. It happened suddenly, dear miss.”
After that, a big silence conquered to the cafeteria. She is almost annoyed and I am embarrassed without knowing what I do; only, I wanted to be forgiven by her, otherwise, the future would not be fine for me in fact; therefore, if she complains about me to the security, I will shit on the other hand.
I was only thinking deeply and wanted to make her to be busy to convince her to apologize me for a while and get lost from there.
“Would you like to drink a cup of tea?” I offered to her with a timid voice cowardly.
“What?” she exclaimed very terribly in astonishment that she couldn’t hear my voice at that time indeed.
“Err, I said the weather is very cold today and I think tea will be good for us, if you mind.”
“Well, you can drink instead of me, boy.” she said to disappoint me again.
“Are you sure?” I said rather idiotically.
“Boy, what are you fucking trying to do? Ha? Are you looking for trouble?” she said with more annoyed tone at that time and it was becoming more vexing for me.
“Nothing, I just offered a cup of hot tea for you politely. That’s all, my miss.” I said with self-determination rather.
We became silent again but that time I was fed up very terribly well then. And, I was breathing very deeply with tension.
“What do you want?” she asked with a great tension.
“What shall I want from you? You know, just forgive me, woman! Won’t you complain about me?” I asked madly and so furiously.
After she burst into a big laughter for a long while, she asked, “Whoa! Why shall I fuck do it?”
“Okay, if so, why are you fucking blustering to be so fucking pompous to me so? Ha?” I asked furiously.
“For nothing, my boy. By the way, why are you so fucking coward?” she said and vaingloriously.
“Just for nothing, miss,”
“Okay then, let it be so.” she said with softer tone right now.”
“That’s all right.” I said with the same manner.
Later on, we stood up to leave the cafeteria. Without looking against each other anymore, we walked against the exit door. It was quite cloudy and cold; although, a windy dirty air with sand dust from Africa was making me to be acrider than before, but, nevertheless, I got rid of her, otherwise, I would shit!
