Who am I now?
A lost girl trying to find herself again,
Put herself back together again
Like Humpty Dumpty
With new jigsaw pieces.
A girl terrified of demons and monsters
Lurking beneath the fragile surface
But slowly learning to face them.
A girl finding out how scared she was
And still is,
Figuring out why she can’t let go
Of her greatest fears
And greatest hopes.
A girl exploring uncharted, forgotten components
That makes up her worry fraught mind
And rediscovers long-buried feelings
That still rubs salt in still fresh wounds.
A girl who knows she is loved
But can’t fully bring to love herself.
A girl who wonders if
Her younger self would like what she has become
And if her future self will be alright.
A girl who is still stubborn
Who shows her mask to the whole world.
A girl slowly turning the valve
Of twenty-five years of pent-up emotion,
Still finding the courage to get through the day
In one piece.
A girl who is looking
For help like a child
And independence like an adult.
A walking paradox
Who craves freedom
But still longs to hide.
A work in progress
Still a cluster**** of nerves
But hopefully not a ticking time bomb.
A girl who nearly reached her breaking point
Yet still filled in paranoid doubt
That may still be on the horizon
In form of a panic attack.
A girl still unsure of herself
Still wants to prove she can work miracles and magic,
And in a tiny dark corner, for herself.
A girl who is told she is still young
But feels old.
A girl who sometimes feels she’s pretending to be an adult.
A girl who wants to ignite her passion
Struggling to find a spark.
A girl who simply wants to feel okay
But an okay that suits her.
A girl who has put herself on a time limit
Finds patience in a herculean task.
A girl who’s brain
Has logic and reasoning in battle
A girl trying to find her own way in life
With a guilty conscience on her back.
A girl getting a re-education on herself.
A girl who doesn’t want to be angry all the time
Or on the verge of tears constantly.
Who just wants to be ****ing happy.