The Princess And The Pirate

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Dear grandson let me read a tale!

Of love lost ‘neath a pirate’s sail!

Or so young Buttercup believed,

Based on the message she received!

 

But time moved on after that day,

After her farm boy passed away,

Killed by a legend, I’m afraid,

By the Dread Pirate Roberts blade!

 

Now Humperdinck, that loathsome prince,

Had been her suitor ever since.

She didn’t love him, and he knew,

He didn’t care if it was true!

 

The prince was an unpleasant man,

And she was just part of his plan,

To bring his neighbor Guilder down,

And so he hired some loud mouthed clown,

 

To take his bride to Guilder’s lands,

And kill her there with his own hands!

Vizzini was a craven snoot,

Who hired a swordsman and a brute,

 

To help him with the prince’s scheme!

He thought they’d make a mighty team!

So, as they sailed, and ate their meals,

Through waters filled with shrieking eels,

 

They spotted someone in pursuit,

It was a pirate’s ship to boot!

They sailed quickly through the night,

And reached the shore by morning’s light!

 

This was no normal shore you see,

It’s the Cliffs of insanity!

None but the brute could climb that rope,

At least that’s what Vizzini hoped!

 

But this was inconceivable,

Completely unbelievable,

This Man in Black was closing in!

Engaging in pursuit again!

 

When Fezzik got them to the top,

Vizzini thought that he could stop

This Man in black’s attempt to save

Their captive from an early grave.

 

But he held on, climbing the face,

So Inigo remained in place!

If this pirate refused to drop,

He’d slay him when he reached the top!

 

But there was no honor in that!

So he would face him in combat!

But when the masked man won the duel,

Poor Inigo felt like a fool!

 

The Man in Black met Fezzik next.

And this would leave the giant vexed!

The pirate choked the giant out!

A loss that left the brute in doubt!

 

Vizzini was his final foe,

A clash of wits on a plateau!

A poison poured into a cup,

The loser drinks the poison up!

 

But there was poison in each drink,

Vizzini wouldn’t even think,

The moment his lips touched the rim,

That moment was the end for him!

 

And so the masked man won his prize,

But she would catch him by surprise!

And push the pirate down the hill,

But his next words gave her a chill!

 

His “as you wish”, rang through the air!

Which made her fear for his welfare!

Was it Westley, she tried to kill?

She threw her body down the hill!

 

The two survived with little harm,

She fell into her Westley’s arms,

As Humperdinck observed their romp,

They slipped into the Fire Swamp.

 

The dangers of this burning bog,

Like rodents bigger than a dog,

Tried hard to undermine the two,

And yet, the lovers made it through.

 

But Humperdinck was waiting there,

With cruel intentions for the pair.

They put Westley in a machine,

It was a most unpleasant scene!

 

Then Humperdinck increased the juice,

Which built a charge, then turned it loose!

And all could hear the echoed cries,

For this is where poor Westley dies.

 

But he was only MOSTLY dead.

Miracle Max distinctly said!

“To blave” might bring him back to life,

So Buttercup could be his wife!

 

But first they had to save the day,

Count Rugen too, would have to pay!

And Humperdinck would get his due,

Before that fateful night was through!

 

For Inigo would kill the count,

While Fezzik rustled up some mounts,

As Westley found his legs once more,

He and the prince settled their score!

 

The story ended with a kiss,

There was no greater kiss than this.

A grandson asked his grandpa then,

If he’d come back and read again.

 

And “as you wish” was his reply

To this young apple of his eye!

“No more rhyming now! I mean it!”

“Anybody want a peanut?”

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Mark Spencer

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